Fear

I am afraid of being ejected from society.

I am afraid of wasting my life on easy empty conformism.

I am afraid of not having the support I need in risking disapproval.

I am afraid of being denied the opportunities that come with "high-functioning".

I am afraid of breaking down and feeling humiliated in public.

I am afraid of there actually being nothing beyond what isn't enough.

I am afraid of not being up to it.

I am afraid of being regarded as fundamentally ridiculous.

I am terrified of rejection.

I am afraid of my surrounding's reaction to fear.

I like Lily.

The War

A long long time ago, in a post far away, I made reference to the war on personality. I was suddenly brought very forcefully back to it by this pretty astonishing account of Captain Picard's (any chance you could just trust me that this is very worth watching?):

(saw this here)

If I had any actual readership on this blog, I would no doubt use this opportunity to poll people on whether they found this uplifting, as I suspect we're meant to, or merely heartbreaking, which is where I'm stuck.

I don't know if it's a question of maturity - of being able to see these little victories as worthwhile without megalomania - or of a different level of expectations and ultimate optimism, but all I can see is the good guys, or humanity, incredibly badly losing. The child can't fight evil, so the adult forgives it.

I feel like bombing this text with hyperboles as I am wont to will not suffice to communicate how blown my mind is by the equivalence made here between the assistance to women and the assistance to their abusers. It feels like there's an incredibly significant life insight here that I am not sufficiently equipped to be capable of fully assimilating.

How can you stop fighting a war that is continuing to be fought against you?